Friday, May 20, 2011

Relationship Break Ups and Coping Mechanisms

At our help desk we often receive calls from people who are trying to cope with their heartbreak at the end of a relationship, and they usually look absolutely anguished and shocked.
Losing someone you love leaves you with a dull, heavy weight in your chest that often, without warning, explodes into lacerating pain.
Indeed it's so painful that many people feel they cannot tolerate the agony – and that is one reason why so many rejected people keep hoping against hope that their partner will return and all will be well
Breakups can be rough, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. The loss of your relationship can bring on intense heartache.

Problems encountered

  1. Having trouble concentrating in your life.
  2. The person you were in relationship with determines everything about you.
  3. Hate every song you hear on the radio, TV/place, memoirs /eateries visited together because it reminds of relationship.
  4. Getting appetite back
  5. Crying all the time and wishing the relationship to work.
  6. Trying to make frantic contacts.
  7. Friends and family don't seem to understand how bad the feeling is
  8. Procastinating and Considering  all the reasons why the relatiohsip failed
  9. Trying to blame self.

 DID YOU KNOW?
  1. Lowers self-esteem and   it makes he/she feel unworthy even if you are a great person.
2.      One does not realize that there is Fine line between love and hate. This line is what your life depends on. The longer you keep bad ex memories the more you lower your self esteem.
3.       The memories always reduce body appetite.
4.       People feel tense; hence their blood vessels constrict which causes them to be nervous.
5.       Causes people to feel self conscious, feeling like something is wrong with them.
6.       The more you think about the matter the more chances you get sick both physically and mentally.
7.       The effect of break up or divorce causes more damage in your head than you can think.

But if you're looking for some help getting through it and want some suggestions about how to make it a little easier, read on.. Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively.

  1. Break the skewed thinking: After a relationship ends often one feels that “ why me only, 'And that's it for me. I'll never find anyone else. And no one else will ever love me or I can never have any more relationships'. telling yourself that your romantic life is over is not at all helpful. It just compounds the misery, and sends very demoralizing messages to the brain. If you do, you're actually just overloading your brain with misery and its already overburdened.
  2. Accepting it's really over: A step towards a new positive future is to finally accept that your ex-partner has gone and will not be coming back. Remove the reminders of Relationship, Minimise contacts,
  3. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship : You may fear that your emotions will be too intense to bear, or that you’ll be stuck in a dark place forever. Just remember that grieving is essential to the healing process. The pain of grief is precisely what helps you let go of the old relationship and move on. And no matter how strong your grief, it won’t last forever
  4. Recognize that it’s OK to have different feelings. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, frustrated and confused—and these feelings can be intense. You also may feel anxious about the future. Accept that reactions like these will lessen over time.
  5. Talk about how you’re feeling – Even if it is difficult for you to talk about your feelings with other people, it is very important to find a way to do so when you are grieving. Knowing that others are aware of your feelings will make you feel less alone with your pain and will help you heal. Journaling/Writing down can also be a helpful outlet for your feelings
  6. Don’t go through this alone. Surround yourself with people who love and care for you Sharing your feelings with friends and family can help you get through this period. Isolating yourself can raise your stress levels, reduce your concentration, and get in the way of your work, relationships and overall health. Don’t be afraid to get outside help/professional counselling if you need it. Their presence and support can help you  heal faster.
  7. Give yourself a break. Give yourself permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. You may not be able to be quite as productive on the job or care for others in exactly the way you’re accustomed to for a little while. No one is superman or superwoman; take time to heal, regroup and re-energize.
  8. Reprogram your mind.Examine your beliefs about relationship and correct any wrong misconceptions. You attract what you believe and what you fear most. If your mind constantly thinks you will always be a failure then  you will be. Change your thought patterns and expect happiness and rewarding experience when positive relationships  knocks at your door again.
  9. Remember that moving on is the end goal – Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.
  10. Remind yourself that you still have a future. When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. As you grieve the loss of the future you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones
  11. Connect yourself with supreme power you belove in ie  God and let Him guide and lead you.
  12. Filling your life with activities that you enjoy - creative, playful, sociable, soulful activities - are all ways to nurture yourself back to health.


We understand that after relationship ends one can feel unbearably hard but please let yourself know that you won't always feel this way and in the meantime let yourself grieve your losses fully. You will feel stronger and lighter for having done so.

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